I'd never believe what my best photo of myself in 2020 would be

I made a little promise to myself in 2020 to write more blogs and publish at least one each month. Well needless to say I failed miserably and barely managed to publish a couple in total. What I did manage though was to gather all my ideas and reflections and prepare them for publishing in the coming months. But I’d like to share something very special to me with you first. This photo here is probably the best photo of me from the whole 2020!


But let me tell you the story behind this photo first.


We did our annual gingerbread baking this day. It’s our little family tradition, something we do each year in the preparation for Christmas. It gives us that little remainder to cherish the moment and a bit of a summary of how much our family have changed within that year since the last baking.


Obviously I would love to have enough time (and energy) to scrub the kitchen to the point of sparkle and look picture perfect but lets be realistic, in a family of 5 getting stuff done on an acceptable/decent level is the way forward! So we finished taking photos in the kitchen and made our way to the living room, my eldest son Rio being super interested in photography (no clue where got that from ) asked if he can play with the camera a bit. I set the camera and just told him to press the button and we’ll see what comes out of it (best way to learn, isn’t it?!).


I sat on the sofa and being camera conscious I started posing with my youngest son Rayken. Then my middle boy, Reign decided to jump in and hug his little brother. With all his sweet cheekiness Rayken took this opportunity to lick his big brother’s face. We just bursted out laughing, it was so funny!



When I first saw this photo I almost deleted it. I wasn’t happy with my looks, I felt I looked unattractive and well simply ugly. But then it reminded me of the moment it captured and I decided to keep just in case. But then I couldn’t stop thinking about this image and I kept coming back to it. This is literally how I am being seen by people around me. This is how my husband sees me, how my kids see me and how anyone around see me. In my head though I have an image of myself where I see myself in a certain way and it simply didn’t match what was captured in that photo. In my perception of self I have a feminine delicate giggle rather than a loud laughter with my mouth open wide (you know, a proper lady’s little titter ). But then, if that was captured in that photo, would that really be me?


Do I want to see myself in perfect angles in the photos, always attractive, always prepared for that shot? Or do I want to see my real self, have it captured and keep that precious reminder of how joyful these littl